The Hilarity of the Bloated Job Description

If you’ve ever searched for a job online, you’ve seen it: the thousand word job description. You know the one with the sixty bullet points detailing all the expertise the employer is looking for. Applying for a job like that scares the hell out of me for fear that they actually mean it.

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FreeImages.com/Hamidreza Ahmadi

It’s as if the job requirement was written by someone who was going to be water boarded if they overlooked anything. Whether such a person actually exists who meets all the requirements is another story. And of course they invariably leave out the most important requirement: that your eyes not roll back into your head when you read the job description.

I once came across a job listing for a program manager requiring a minimum of 18 years of experience. Really? Who comes up with these numbers? If I needed brain surgery and my doctor told me she had only been performing brain surgery successfully for five years, I’d let her operate. But I need 18 years of practice to construct a Gantt chart?

I think the job boards should start charging employers by the word, with an accelerated fee schedule over a certain limit. A thousand word job posting should require the approval of the board of directors. They need a good laugh too.

Dear employer. We get it. The job has a hundred different little tasks we might be called on to perform. Guess what? Every job does. But that’s not why you’re hiring us.

There reality is that there are two or three really important skills or experiences you’re looking for. If we don’t have them, there’s no way your hiring us. And if we are the best around at those, you’ll pretty much overlook everything else. That’s what goes in the job description.

You’re welcome for the free advice. Now, you looking for any writers?